Prologue

Okay… deep breath.

This is something I have been thinking about doing forever.

I could say I’m not sure why I’ve never committed to it, but that would be a lie. I know exactly why I haven’t.

I wasn’t ready.

That probably sounds like a cop-out excuse, and honestly, you’d be right to think that. Because the truth is… will I ever be ready?

For years I’ve told myself that once I fought off my demons, healed, and became the best version of myself, then I could start putting everything into words.

Turns out that’s complete bullshit.

I’ll never be completely ready. I’ll never be fully healed. I’ll probably always have a few demons hanging around.

So why not document the good, the bad, and the ugly while I’m living it?

Why not create a space I can look back on years from now and see how much I’ve grown? And maybe—if someone ever stumbles across this little corner of the internet—it might make them feel a little less alone too.

So, if you’ve made it this far, I guess I should properly introduce myself.

Hi, I’m Farrah.

I’m a girl in her mid-twenties figuring her shit out as she goes.

A few things you should probably know…

First, I’m completely obsessed with my dog. She is my favourite living being on this planet, keeps me going on the hard days, and somehow makes every ordinary day a little more fun. She will absolutely be making frequent appearances around here.

Every summer I move back home to the small coastal town in British Columbia where I grew up. It’s one of my favourite places in the world, and I try to soak up every second of it before heading back to Alberta.

Speaking of Alberta…

One of the biggest parts of this whole “figuring my shit out” journey has been school. I originally started down a completely different career path—one I genuinely loved studying. Then I completed an internship and realized I absolutely hated the work itself.

So I started over.

Now, in my mid-twenties, I’m getting ready to become an elementary school teacher.

As a coastal BC girl, I never imagined Alberta would feel like home. But somewhere along the way, it quietly became exactly that.

I also have an incredible boyfriend of almost five years (holy shit, right?) who somehow manages to support every new idea, every crisis, and every version of me along the way.

Beyond that, I won’t bore you with my favourite colour—although, for the record, it’s a soft dusty blue—or my favourite song.

Instead, I want to tell you why I’m actually here.

If you asked me to describe myself, I’d probably joke that I’m decently fucked up.

My therapist would absolutely hate hearing me say that.

But there was a time when it felt true.

I’ve spent years battling depression and anxiety. I’m currently recovering from an eating disorder and trying to rebuild my relationship with myself. On top of that, I’m one of the many chronically ill girlies counting spoons every day (if you know, you know).

I’ll talk much more about all of that as this blog grows.

The mental health.

The chronic illnesses.

The setbacks.

The tiny wins that somehow feel enormous.

The moments where everything falls apart.

And hopefully, the moments where it all starts coming back together.

Because this isn’t a blog about someone who has everything figured out.

It’s about someone who’s figuring it out anyway.

So, welcome.

I’m really glad you’re here.